What You’ll Learn

A first-time mom with a spouse in the military opens up on the first six months of life with a new baby, including where she researches infant and medical information (TikTok, YouTube, and her sisters), how and where she shops for baby equipment, and what how healthcare could better support new mothers. 

VIVO: Can you tell me about your first thoughts when you discovered you were going to have a child? 

Interviewee: I was excited about it at first, nervous because everything is new to you, so you don’t know what’s going on or what’s to happen next. It’s almost like a “what’s going to happen next” moment every time you do something. That’s the feeling I always had. I would always ask that question when I went to the doctor, “What would happen next after this? And what would I do next after this?” That was always my question, to guide me through, to know if I need to call or when I need to schedule my next doctor’s appointment. They always handed you a piece of paper every time we went to the doctor too. So if you forgot, you would know what you need to do.

VIVO: Aside from doing whatever your doctor recommended, what kind of research did you do or where were you going for information to prepare?

Interviewee: They had you download this app when you first find out you’re pregnant. And I was given a book, so it was in an app as well. So I can read through that book. But I was doing my own research as well. With the internet being so broad, I would watch videos on how people had different journeys about their pregnancy. People didn’t speak on the healthcare side, so I got that information elsewhere. I would see what kind of foods I couldn’t eat, what foods I can eat, because I know some people had symptoms. I didn’t have symptoms, thank god, during my pregnancy. I didn’t even know until I didn’t have my menstrual cycle. No pain, no nothing. So it was kind of easy for me. But that’s how I went about it. I did my own research. I read the book that they had given us, which was very informative throughout my pregnancy. It took you by each step. The app was helpful as well. It gave you those reminders that your baby is this size and information about where you should be during your pregnancy.

VIVO: Was there anyone else that you went to in your life outside of your doctor, your OBGYN for information, advice?

Interviewee: I did. I have four sisters. Two had kids at the time, so I went to them. I went to them and asked them questions. Still to this day I go through them when my baby is sick and not feeling well, “Is this normal?” I go to them, them and my mother, even though my mom had kids a long time ago, I go to them and ask them questions.

VIVO: Did the advice that your sisters or your mom gave you ever differ or conflict with what the doctor said, and if so, who did you go with?

Interviewee: I would say it did, but it was similar information. More so now with the teething going on. It’s a myth I guess they say that babies poop a lot when they’re teething and the doctor would say that’s not true. And I’m like, I can’t tell because I worked at a daycare and I have seen a lot of babies teeth during that time. So I went with my sister’s thought.

VIVO: As you were prior to having your child, so you’re pregnant and thinking about this, did you have a particular vision in mind of what kind of parent you wanted to be, what kind you didn’t want to be? And has that changed since you’ve had your child?

Interviewee: In a way, yes. My dad, even though he’s a male, he always said they don’t come with a handbook. So in a way, as a mother, you want to be more organized and we are military. So I was trying to figure out with the move, because we had recently moved after I had my baby, it’s “Okay, what do we do?” How do I transition from one place to the next with having a baby? And having to get healthcare in a different location, have to change doctors, that was the main concern. So it’s a change within a change.

VIVO: How did you go about deciding what supplies you needed, where to go to get your stroller, your bassinet, whatever you would need? 

Interviewee: I looked at all those websites. So I did watch videos, I watched reviews, and I watched several of them because I wanted to get information about different moms and how they felt about certain products, even breast pumps. Before I selected my breast pump, I looked up each breast pump and did a process of elimination. It’s almost like a job. As far as the stroller, I went to Target. I looked on Walmart website, didn’t like what they had online, so I didn’t bother looking in store unless I was at the store. I would review those items. As far as bassinet, I went on Target because they didn’t have bassinets at Walmart. I never see bassinets displayed at Walmart. And it’s a particular bassinet I wanted. I wanted one that had a net over it and I went online to Amazon seeing what they had and I wanted a net over my child swing set as well. So that was a cross elimination for me. It was how much would I need this product for after that.

VIVO: When you talk about watching videos, doing research like that, is it mostly on one platform more than others? YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram?

Interviewee: I would go to TikTok. TikTok, YouTube, not Instagram, but more TikTok and YouTube. YouTube gives you that longer video of the product if you want a long detailed video. TikTok gives you the thought.

VIVO: How did you first choose your OBGYN?

Interviewee: Since we were military, I went on to the base hospital. That’s how I did it, but we can go off base if we wanted to, but we would have to go through them first to get that recommendation off post. However, I tried them first, I didn’t have any issues so I stayed with them. But there are a lot of bad myths about going to deliver on post on a base.

VIVO: If you had wanted to go outside, do you need to have a medical reason in order to not use a base doctor or is it just a preference?

Interviewee: It is a reason. It does have to be a medical preference, but also no, you can pick off-base. It’s the insurance probably doesn’t cover when you go into delivery, your food or something of that sort. Other than the base, they’re going to cover everything for you or you may have to pay for your medication. So you might have a small bill when not going on the base.

VIVO: What was your experience like with your doctor during pregnancy?

Interviewee: The one thing I don’t like is that they give you different OBGYNs. When you’re in the military, you don’t have a typical doctor because they have different schedules. The person that you might be seeing the entire time is not going to be the person that delivers your baby. And it might be a doctor or it may be a midwife. I had a midwife that delivered my baby and it’s crazy because I had a doctor’s appointment the day before and I was like, “I don’t want her to deliver my baby.” I was nine months and she didn’t even help me up when I was laying back. She didn’t even help pull me up. I pulled myself up. She was a midwife so I was like, “Yeah, I don’t want her helping with me.” And so the next day I went into labor and they told me, I said, “Is that the lady?” I said, “I don’t want her delivering my baby.” And my husband shook his head because the nurse didn’t know who I was talking about.

And the crazy thing is when I went to go deliver, someone else came in before me at nine centimeters and I was about to deliver my baby and she was like, “She’s going to have to wait.” And the nurse was like, “She cannot wait to deliver her baby.” So my baby’s head was stuck out waiting for her to pull him out.

VIVO: Do you feel like they had the right information? 

Interviewee: In a way, yes. In a way, no, because I had issues where they were saying with my blood pressure. The first time they took my blood pressure, the nurse didn’t go about doing my blood pressure right. Immediately when I sit down, she’s ready to take my blood pressure. She didn’t give me a moment to breathe. Then throughout my pregnancy, they said I had hypertension and they wanted to throw medicine at me in the beginning. I’m like, “No, I don’t want to take that.” And so I didn’t take it and fortunately I did have a healthy pregnancy. Throughout that time they would say, “Okay, your blood pressure was looking good today.” And I’m like, “I know it is.” I came from walking from downstairs to upstairs. I’m pregnant. Everything’s not going to look right.

VIVO: Do you have particular opinions about how you wanted to give birth? A birth plan?

Interviewee: They discussed that every single time I came to the doctor, “How would you like your birth plan?” And they did pressure it at the end. They definitely did. They asked me those questions constantly, “Would you like an epidural? If something goes wrong, would you like a blood transfusion?” They repeated those same questions. “Do you see anything changed about…” but I kept it from the beginning of what I wanted to the end.

VIVO: If you don’t mind me asking, what were the sort of things that you wanted to make sure you had and didn’t have for your birth plan?

Interviewee: I said epidural if I decided to have that, because I don’t know how much pain I’m going to be in. It’s my first time having a child. Blood transfusion, I say yes, because I don’t want to die. I have a family to live for. And as far as if I had to have a C-section, then we can go about talking about that. I wanted to try some things before they decided unless I needed an emergency C-section because I know it’s a money thing for them.

VIVO: Did you have a personal preference around a midwife versus a doctor, an OBGYN versus something else?

Interviewee: I didn’t care if it was a midwife or a doctor. I would say, with the military allowing us to be with whoever is on call, I feel like we should be able to select who we want, because there were some great doctors and midwives there throughout my pregnancy.

VIVO: How was your experience with your whole health team once you went home?

Interviewee: It was good. They did give me a call the next day to check in with me. I liked that they did follow-ups. You have to come to the hospital two or three days after you have the baby. So I do like that. They were informative about information about the baby, certain tests that they had to do. I know my son had to get the hearing test done over because he didn’t pass the first time, but he did pass when we went back to the hospital. But everything went great. They even sent me a letter with my nurse’s signature, which I appreciate because she was great. She sat next to me the entire time before I gave birth.

VIVO: When was the last time you were inspired to change something about your health and what led to that?

Interviewee: I would say recently because I had a baby. You want to get back to that health journey that you were at before so recently within the last month or two.

VIVO: And for you, what does that mean? What does that look like? Where’s your focus?

Participant: I would say more nutrition. Being able to eat right, stay healthy, especially with breastfeeding. I would like to keep that on track because I know based off research and based off what I’m going through right now around that six month timeframe, the milk starts to slow down if you are not eating correctly and things of that sort. So I would say nutrition because I feel like what you eat is about 80% of your health and staying healthy.

VIVO: If you can think back, and it could be related to pregnancy or birth or not, it could be something in your past as well. What’s the best experience you’ve ever had with healthcare?

Interviewee: I would say when I was going to pediatrics, I had a male doctor that was great located in Atlanta. He educated us about everything and I mean everything and he was a male. I remember him telling me how to wipe as a little girl. Those were the tedious things. And he noticed my legs had spots on them and he had asked my mom, did I have chickenpox before? This was as we were walking out of the doctor’s office and he was like, “She might need a booster of a certain shot so she won’t ever get it again.” And he was like, “I recommend that even today before you all leave.” And it’s crazy because still to this day my sister and them go to him for my nieces and nephews.

VIVO: What’s the worst experience you’ve ever had with healthcare?

Interviewee: When they tried to diagnose me with hypertension, I didn’t like how they went about it. It took several times before I was like, “Well, why are you all putting me on blood pressure medication? I’ve never had high blood pressure before.” That was the only reason because it’s like they rushed and tried to put me on medication without explaining to me. I even said that when you’re going to go get your blood pressure taken, I had a hoodie on and I asked the nurse, did she want me to take off the hoodie, and they didn’t even want to do my blood pressure again. They immediately wanted to put me on medication. So that was my worst experience, especially not having health problems. It is known in my family to have high blood pressure, so that’s why it was a second thought in the back of my mind. But they didn’t go about that the right way.

VIVO: What’s something that’s not being said about healthcare that needs to be said?

Interviewee: The diseases that are going on in this world that they don’t explain the percentage rate in certain states. None of it’s being talked about. The only thing that’s been talked about is percentages. I feel like we should know what area it’s happening in. And I say that because I went to college where they said that HIV was high in the area and the only reason why we knew that is because they wanted to give HIV tests at the school. Then I’m from Atlanta, they said that it was high in Atlanta, but they’re not saying the areas around the metro Atlanta area. And I say with people in the dating world nowadays, they should know about these things.

VIVO: And from your perspective, what will healthcare look like in 10 years?

Interviewee: I think it’ll be more on the digital side, more digital, because I see now we can set our own appointments. We can talk face-to-face with Zoom calls. I think it’s going to be more digital with healthcare where you can talk to your doctor virtually.

I would say both positive and negative because I was born in a generation, I’m a millennial, so I’m born in that generation where we get a little bit of both. So we still want to go back to the old ways of things, but I know we have to move along with the new side of the world. So I know that we have to move forward in order for things to be better. That’s how they have started to discover certain things in the world.

I feel like we should be able to submit our health record somewhere where it can always be stored. And I say that because being military, we had to get all of our healthcare records every time we move. I feel like if I was able to store that somewhere, because they also changed systems too since my husband been in the military. So you would have one place saying, “Oh we don’t have this,” and then you have another location saying, “Oh, we don’t have this.” It’s like, “I’m not going to go take those shots over because you say you don’t have that.”

They use old systems, their systems never talk to each other. And I feel like everyone keeps everything paper on hand and what if, God forbid, your house catches on fire, you don’t have those records anymore. So I feel like it should be a database that you can submit online and receive those records.

VIVO: What were those first few weeks like when you first brought your son home? What surprised you? What was unexpected?

Interviewee: Tiring. It was overwhelming because our life changes as far as having a new baby and with my husband in the military, knowing that I would have to get up and move with a newborn. Work-wise, I would say that was smooth sailing, so I didn’t have any issues with that because I worked from home, which is a good thing and I have a good work system. It was overwhelming because it was a lot going on plus breastfeeding on top of baby. I felt unorganized because you’re more organized when it’s you and then having to bring on a baby and add a baby to your schedule is a lot. But overall, I would say over time, you tell yourself it’s temporary so you’ll eventually become organized. Once I was able to get rest, I was able to get back on track.

VIVO: Was there anything in particular that surprised you as a two-week-old parent?

Interviewee: I would say the consistency of the sleeping. You never know when your baby going to get up, when your baby going to go to sleep. Being a consistent parent because even with breastfeeding I have to breastfeed after you lay down and go to sleep or after he eats. So I would say the consistent parenting is a lot.

VIVO: What excited you in those first two weeks or so?

Interviewee: Having a newborn baby. They smell good. Having my baby. Also being able to dress your baby, take care of your baby, it’s almost like another responsibility, but you get to see this baby grow within the timeframe. Him being six months already, growing his first two teeth at the bottom, everything is so cute and they say it happens fast, so enjoy it while they grow. Watching their hair change, features change, that’s what makes me happy, knowing I have someone to work for.

VIVO: What made you nervous in those first few weeks?

Interviewee: Anything as far as, because I had a boy, wiping them. I know that it’s very sensitive in that area. Making sure they have those poopy diapers they’re supposed to. Holding their neck the correct way, make sure they’re getting fed the correct way because I know if they don’t burp or get the food down they need to, you have issues about their weight. Making sure they’re growing and staying on the right path.

VIVO: How has your parenting experience changed from say week one to now six months in?

Interviewee: I would say now I’m getting more sleep, so I’m able to function and be more comfortable. I know how to take time out to relax my mind and then get back to it if I need to.

VIVO: How did you go about selecting your pediatrician?

Interviewee: We didn’t get to select because with military healthcare, they cover you for life. They cover my husband and our family for life, so we can’t pick a PCM. However, I let them choose because we were new to the state as well as new to the area and I wanted to see how they go about things, which they educated us about a lot of things that was going on. With so much going on right now, I haven’t found another PCM or researched another PCM. But I do think that is what I’m going to be doing because it’s going to be too far from our home as well as I know there are better pediatrics out there to look for.

VIVO: What do you think that your pediatrician today is doing well and what do you wish that they would do that maybe they’re not doing?

Interviewee: I think they should inform more. I know the nurses don’t know as much, but I feel like with them being hands-on, they should know a lot when it comes to referring information to the pediatrician. I also think that they talk to people as if they do their job every day. I feel like they should be more informative about things like medication. I asked for some type of medication for my baby and they didn’t tell me it was going to be at the pharmacy. They said, “Okay, I put that in for you.” And I’m like, “I’ve never been here before. So can you guide me through what’s going on?” And they know I haven’t been here before because we told them we got here. They asked you those questions during that time, but I feel like they can be more informative about certain things.

VIVO: Right now, what are you typically going to your pediatrician for?

Interviewee: Checkups. Nothing serious as of right now. Because I asked my sisters, I’m not the person that runs to the doctor for every little thing unless I know I need to. Kids get sick at night and not during the day when you need someone to call.

VIVO: When it comes to the health of your son, what do you think is the most important thing?

Interviewee: Everything from making sure that he’s breathing well, making sure he’s eating well. That path to growth. I would say everything. I take my kid seriously. That’s my responsibility. I’m not going to jail for nobody. So I would say everything because everything is important. Even down to their skin.

VIVO: What do you worry about in regards to your child’s health?

Interviewee: Any health issues that would affect their development. That’s my main concern, because I know with kids not being able to talk, there are so many tests that they run during your pregnancy that you wouldn’t know how they will be later. And I say that because they give you those papers every time you go to the doctor. Is your baby doing this? Is your baby doing that? So I would say more so any development stages of life.

VIVO: Do you feel like you get the right support from your healthcare team to ensure that you have a healthy child?

Interviewee: Yes. As of right now, yes.

VIVO: It sounds like you may look for a new pediatrician at some point soon. What’s the one or two specific things that you’re looking for in that next pediatrician as you start your search?

Interviewee: Someone who’s experienced and someone who has dealt with all kinds of children because you never know if your child might have something that another child has. So more experienced doctor, someone that has not been in the military and then went into private practice. I want someone that’s experienced, and as a parent I do check your overall history, where you have went. All that stuff is public information.

VIVO: Is there anything else that I maybe didn’t specifically ask about that you think is worth mentioning from your unique perspective?

Interviewee: Yes. A lot of people don’t think about mothers or parents overall and their mental health after having a child. So I feel like there should be a lot more support, or parents go through postpartum. Unfortunately, I’m not going through that, didn’t go through it. I know I still got a couple more months, but I think if I made it throughout the stressful time of my life of moving and going to a new state, I think I’d be all right. And I have a supportive husband, but I would say there should be something for parents and mothers even if they’re not going through issues, it’s going to be a time where you need to talk to someone.

VIVO: What have you been able to do or what have you prioritized to make sure that you’re taking care of or checking in on your mental health?

Interviewee: I talk with my husband. If I feel like I get overwhelmed, he steps in. That’s how we do things. But what if he’s going through things? It’s not going to help. So that’s how we balance things, but I don’t think that’s a good thing because you don’t want to put all that pressure on one person along with the newborn.

I haven’t looked at any external resources. And I think with being a parent, that’s a lot as well because everything is new to you. So I feel like if they had something virtual where parents can get on and talk to someone and ask how they’re doing. At the doctor’s office they have me do a survey, which I’m like, “That’s not always good because maybe at that moment I’m not feeling that way, but ask me a couple weeks down the line, I’m probably feeling that way.” I’m saying for other parents, that’s probably how they may feel.

Even with the app, I feel like it should have some supportive information after postpartum.

I’m focused on my own nutrition. That should be something that should be done in the beginning. Even if the doctors can recommend certain places you can get nutrition, different things like videos that you can prep for lunch, dinner. I feel like sometimes it’s like how they give you a lactation consultant, you should have someone that’s a nutritionist who comes in and assists you as well. I’ve never seen them do that even though they have nutritionists at the hospital when you’re picking your lunch and dinner, but they don’t have them afterwards.

Participant Profile

• Female, first-time mother of a 6-month-old son
• Lives in Riverview, Florida (Tampa area)
• Military family (spouse is in the military)
• Recently relocated when baby was 3 months old
• Primary concerns: pediatric care access, maintaining breastfeeding, managing parental responsibilities
• Challenges: Military healthcare system limitations, lack of provider continuity, navigating postpartum nutrition
• Previously worked at a daycare (has childcare experience)