What You’ll Learn

A new father provides his perspective on new parenthood in this portrait of a dual income, commercially insured couple adjusting to life after their son was born six weeks premature. Along with valuable insights on how the couple selected their OB/GYN, pediatrician, and infant formula brand to supplement breastfeeding, the interviewee represents widespread consumer concerns in his frustration at the lack of transparency in the cost of healthcare, unnecessary office visits and procedures, as well as concerns about vaccines.

VIVO: When was the last time you were inspired to change something about your health and what caused it?

Interviewee: That’s a loaded question. For me, personally, prior to COVID, I was very active and in the gym every day. When gyms shut down for COVID, I stopped going, and I’m not going to say I stopped taking care of myself, but I wasn’t as regularly participating in routine exercise.

Within the past year, I’ve definitely picked it up a lot more than I have been in the past three years at this point. From that standpoint, I’ve definitely taken on the responsibility of getting myself back in shape. From a healthcare standpoint, we had to transition to my employer’s health insurance versus my wife’s that we used previously.

VIVO: What’s been the best experience you’ve ever had within healthcare?

Interviewee: I think from a claim standpoint, an expense standpoint, I’ve always seen it as a heartache. Prior to my wife having to go to regular visits during the pregnancy, we didn’t routinely go to doctor appointments due to the co-pays and everything else that was associated with those visits.

But from a positive standpoint, when we’ve gone, we’ve always gotten good results, especially in this past year where we’ve had to take care of her going to the doctor for routine visits, getting the different scans and associated things along with that. The healthcare system did a very good job, but the bills associated with it were somewhat unexpected at the time.

VIVO: Was there a particular doctor or instance that you remember as being especially positive?

Interviewee: I think going into the entire pregnancy, how my wife’s OB/GYN approached the entire situation was very good. Through the practice, she got experience with all the doctors there. She wasn’t just assigned to one doctor.

She did have a primary doctor through the office, but when it came to giving labor, we actually had a doctor that we hadn’t seen in the past. But the doctor was fully prepared, all their notes were shared about everything that they previously discussed. The reason why her doctor wasn’t available at the time was my son actually came six weeks earlier than expected.

But they handled the entire situation very well. It didn’t add any additional stress to us besides having a first child six weeks early and didn’t really give us that mental preparatory for it when we thought we still had another month.

VIVO: How did it make you feel when that doctor was able to walk into the room that you’ve never met but knew everything? What was your thought in that moment?

Interviewee: It was definitely an additional layer of security and comfort for us. We were initially panicked that we’re in the hospital six weeks early. Then to find out that the person that we thought was delivering the baby wasn’t in the country. It could have added a lot more stress.

But after meeting with the doctor, within 15 minutes of getting the entire situation explained to us that he had very good knowledge of everything that she’s experienced going into the labor prior, all the things that we’ve discussed with the doctor prior, was all well documented. And the way that they did things is that the practice has four delivery doctors and they all are familiar with each other’s patients.

VIVO:Can you recall a worst experience you’ve had in healthcare?

Interviewee: A lot of the appointments are pointless, that a lot of it is just for them to use it as billable time. I recently went to physical therapy for my back where they identified that I had a bulging disc, but they didn’t really do anything for it. And then the bills that came along with it that my insurance didn’t cover were astronomical.

I did go to a session of physical therapy where I was talking to somebody about stretching and I got a $300 bill for it. We didn’t even do any stretches. In that sense, I feel like a lot of doctors add on all these extra expenses when they’re not really doing anything that could have easily been a phone conversation.

And I see that now, even with my son in the two months, if we have a sick visit, it’s always, “Oh, you can’t just call and ask a question.” You have to bring the child in for him to look at, even though it’s a simple question, how often should he be eating?

Oh, come in for a sick visit where we’re going to charge you a $45 copay to tell you, “Oh, he’s eating normal. We’re good to go.” In that sense, it’s very frustrating.

VIVO: Are you able to take advantage of virtual visits at all?

Interviewee: I honestly haven’t looked into it, but considering that everything we’ve called in, they always are, “Come on in for an appointment,” and they call it a sick visit no matter what it is. I’m going to say it’s not offered to me, but I honestly haven’t looked into it too greatly.

VIVO: What’s something that’s not being said about healthcare that needs to be said, in your opinion?

Interviewee: I think the biggest thing is understanding what you’re getting ahead of time. Going in for a routine visit, what are the hidden charges that going to be associated? What are the hidden procedures that they’re going to document as I’m doing that?

My health insurance offers me a one time a year visit for preventative health, but there’s always a bill that comes along with it, as well, even though it’s supposed to be embedded into my insurance plan.

VIVO: Given that you’ve been in front of healthcare providers and dealing with healthcare a lot more since the pregnancy and birth of your son. Based on your experience, what do you think healthcare is going to look like in the next 10 years?

Interviewee: I honestly don’t see it changing too much. Being in the technology field, I know there’s a lot more use of AI across the board for many different industries. From a web appointment or something like that, they might be able to leverage more AI.

But I think from a physical standpoint, you’re still going to need to go to those doctor visits. They’re still going to charge you to do your routine checkups where they check your height, weight, and say, “That was a hundred dollars.” That’s not going to change. But I think the use of AI we will be able to use more online resources to get you answers quicker.

VIVO: How have you seen care or healthcare change from your experience growing up to today?

Interviewee: Honestly, it hasn’t changed much. As I said, prior to my wife getting pregnant, I could say I haven’t gone to a physical in many years since it was required for me to play college sports. We’re talking back 10, 15 years at this point.

But comparing it to growing up, I know my pediatrician now took care of my sister. And walking into the office, not much has changed where I remember my mom having to bring all of us kids there for every single, each other one’s appointments.

And from a billing standpoint, a requirement going there, it seems like it’s all similar. It’s, come in for your annual visit, or right now I’m dealing with more routine visits. But, from that standpoint, I don’t think much has changed.

I know back then there was no WebMD, which has its positives and negatives. I feel like Google is your own worst enemy when it comes to looking up medical information. Because scratch on your leg could equal an amputee requirement in Google’s terms.

But from a research perspective, you could go in having a better idea of what you’re dealing with or especially looking at medications, having a better understanding of what they are rather than just taking the doctor’s word for granted.

VIVO: Is that comforting or alarming to you to walk into the pediatrician’s office and see that it even looks the same, feels the same after however many years?

Interviewee: I think both. I think knowing that they’re not moving towards all these new technologies that could be either beneficial or detrimental to the child, that the stuff that they were doing back 25, 30 years ago has all remained true. I know talking to my parents, they see the way children are raised today as extremely different than when we were raised, whether it comes down to eating habits, sleeping habits, being able to put a child on its back or its stomach when it sleeps.

Speaking to my parents and my wife’s parents, they’re always, “Yeah, we never worried about that stuff.” The different type of car seats that are required now compared to, my wife’s mom’s, “Yeah, you weren’t in a car seat ever. We just didn’t do that.” A lot of that has changed.

VIVO: Thinking back to the beginning. You and your wife just realized you were pregnant. The first thoughts when discovering that you were going to have a child, what were you excited about? What were you nervous about? What were you researching immediately?

Interviewee: It was definitely exciting. It was something that we were trying for. She previously had a miscarriage, so it was definitely something that was a long time coming for us when we originally first started trying to have our child to where we are at today.

Definitely, there was the ongoing through our process of, “What’s going to change in life? Are we ready to be parents?” She’s a pre-K teacher, so she was in a much better position than I was. Growing up, I never wanted kids. But, it was definitely exciting.

I knew I had health insurance. I thought a lot of it would be covered, that there wouldn’t be too many out-of-pocket expenses, which wasn’t the case. Apparently, my insurance sucks and I have a very high deductible. It did financially cost more than expected.

But I really didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if having a child was going to be free, was having a child going to be $5,000, $20,000. I really didn’t have a number in my head. I knew this is what we wanted. You pay it.

There are families that have three, four children, they pay it so how bad can it really be? But that was eye-opening. But, it is what it is.

VIVO: What kind of research did you do or where’d you go for your information to prepare as you’re going through pregnancy?

Interviewee: My wife immediately bought a bunch of baby books. The seam of my book never got broke. I didn’t think it was beneficial to read it.

But she relied heavily on different applications on her phone that tracked every week by week how large the baby is, what she’d be experiencing. Every week, we sat down and read it together or she read it to me. We did rely heavily on and we use it now for milestones and such, and I know she’s going to use it going forward. That’s where we got most of our knowledge from.

We did speak to the doctors. They gave us a pamphlet the first time we went, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, I think it was called. There was a lot of information in there. And just talking to friends. Of my friend group, I’m one of the last ones to have my first child. They were very insightful, as well.

VIVO: What’s the most helpful piece of advice or line you got from your friends?

Interviewee: The warning that you’re not going to sleep. You always think that was an exaggeration, but it’s not, unfortunately. Definitely behind on sleep.

My days are longer, my nights are shorter but you adjust. And I think at this point we’re still in a learning phase, but we’re definitely not, staying up all night watching him sleep, where originally it was every two hours, “Wake up. It’s your shift.” And we stood there and watched him sleep and we’re beyond that, thankfully.

VIVO: Did you go out and buy supplies to prepare, I’m assuming, as things got‚Äî

Interviewee: Yeah, we had the whole nursery ready, thankfully, more than two months in advance. Because we use, well, he’s still in my room. But, we have all the supplies his crib, changing table, wipes, diapers. At the time we got size one diapers, so we had to get preemie diapers originally. Just this week he started wearing the size one, but we had all that ready.

My wife’s breastfeeding, so we don’t have to worry about formula, yet. But I think from a preparation standpoint, my wife is definitely on top of it. She had her hospital bag packed probably after week two, it feels like, but she had that packed forever. Even though it got sprung on us early that we were going to the hospital a month and a half early, we were prepared, not mentally, but we were prepared.

VIVO: Once you realized that you were having to go early, did things change? Did you have to re-look at research? Were you re-looking at new sources of information?

Interviewee: There was definitely some initial research. They said depending on when the child was born, he would have to go immediately into the NICU and stuff. Thankfully, we passed that threshold by three hours. To this day, I don’t really understand where they come up with that specific cutoff timeline, but we passed it by three hours that he didn’t have to go into the NICU at all, and we were able to go home two days later.

From a research standpoint, I don’t think I really changed anything, I didn’t really research to begin. I felt like we could just wing it all along. I never changed a diaper prior to my son, even though I have five nieces and nephews, just not something I ever had an interest in doing. That first time was an experience.

But not necessarily doing any different research. It’s more, “We’re in this situation. We figure it out as we go.”

VIVO: I should ask, how did you choose your OB-GYN? How did you go about the processes of selecting once you realized you were pregnant?

Interviewee: Earlier this year we moved, so we were in a different area than my wife had grown up. She had to change hers, and it was simply just logging into a Facebook page for our area and asking for recommendations.

VIVO: Were you there for the first appointment when you got to meet the OB-GYN?

Interviewee: Yep, I was there for every appointment.

VIVO: It sounds like you were pretty comfortable with, and you knew going in that you were going to maybe rotate doctors as you had your appointments. How did you feel about that?

Interviewee: From my point of view, I didn’t see it as alarming. I know my wife took a preference to certain individuals in the office as she just felt more comfortable with. But being a bystander and being there for all the appointments, I felt like everybody was fully capable of delivering our child safely.

And I don’t know if that goes back to her using the doctor for whatever else you girls do before being pregnant. I don’t know if they do that same system, whether she had her one set doctor that we met with first, or does it become at that point where they start rotating for in case of emergency, which we ended up having to take advantage of.

I think if that was sprung on us the day of going into the hospital, oh, we are having a different doctor, when you’ve seen someone else for the past six months, I think it would’ve put a little bit more panic into us.

VIVO: As you were going through pregnancy, did you have a particular opinion or particular plan about how you wanted to give birth?

Interviewee: I don’t think so. She didn’t have a C-section. She gave a natural birth. She got the shot in her back after being there for a couple hours. I think that it was all pre-discussed that that was the plan.

VIVO: Was there something different that the doctors mentioned that you guys had to do or was going to happen when your wife went into labor six weeks early?

Interviewee: I think the biggest thing is when they explained to us that going into NICU was a requirement that it had nothing to do with us or the health of the baby, that they wouldn’t know the extent of how much NICU attention would be required until the baby was born. That definitely alarmed us a little bit.

They were able to provide us measurements and weight prior, so they said from that standpoint, he was healthy, that they weren’t overly concerned about that. They wanted to try to keep her there as long as possible.

When we originally went there, they’re, “Oh, you’re going to be here for a while. We’re going to keep you here for three weeks.” And my mind was, “Oh, I have to sit down in a hospital for three straight weeks. This is going to be brutal.” It ending up being 13 hours later that she had the child.

But, they explained to us all the complications that could happen going that early. And it was explained to us very well that we understood going into it that we were probably going to be in the NICU for a while, that the potential for jaundice was high.

But knock on wood, he came out perfectly healthy. He met that threshold of how long he had to make it until they kept him in the NICU. And as I said, we went home two days later and things had been fine since then. We had to go back for two other appointments for the jaundice, but after that they said he was fine, as well.

We went back the two following days. The hospital’s, thankfully, close to the house. But if we had to go every day for two weeks, would’ve made it work anyway. It is what it is.

VIVO: What were those first two, three weeks like once you brought your son home?

Interviewee: Hell. No, no. I didn’t say that out loud. It was an adjustment. As I said, we were sleeping very little.

It was, at the time, I was trying to juggle work, as well. That also put a little bit of a heartache into it. Thankfully, I worked from home. Thank you, COVID.

But it’s definitely an adjustment. As I said, the past two, three weeks, it’s become a normal routine now that we know, my wife takes care of him mostly the day while I’m at work. She doesn’t know I’m doing these extra conversations. She thinks I’m working. It’s all good. But…

It’s becoming more routine. I think we’re comfortable. The first couple of weeks between my mom and her mom, they stayed with us for each a couple of days at a time just to help out.

More taking care of our well-being versus the baby, I’d say. Definitely helped out with laundry, making sure we were still eating, and taking care of ourselves, but it was good having the extra hands there.

VIVO: Was there anything that surprised you in those first few weeks that was totally unexpected that you didn’t realize?

Interviewee: Not a complete surprise. But in the two-month period, you could see how much he’s developed. He went from being relatively small. Now, as I said, he’s in the size one diapers. Now he is, I wouldn’t say, mobile, but when he’s laying down, he’s kicking his arms, his legs. It’s not just, oh, laying down and he’s doing nothing. From that standpoint, he’s developing very quickly.

Changing diapers was an experience. I didn’t know the body could produce so many different colors.

VIVO: How has, it’s been about two months now. Thinking about what kind of parent you wanted to be before you had a child, and thinking about the parent you are now, has your idea of parenting changed?

Interviewee: I’d say I’m a lot more involved than I planned to be, but I definitely see the toll it also takes on my wife. I think I am more involved where whenever I’m free at work or any time of day, I’ll be, “Oh, I’ll get the next diaper. It doesn’t matter to me anymore.”

When I see my parents and her parents, my dad did not take care about wellbeing. My dad said my entire childhood, he changed maybe 10 diapers. But, for me, it’s just a natural response to be, “The baby’s crying, I’m going to go pick it up.” It’s not call my wife up, “The baby’s crying again.” She knows she hears him, but it is what it is.

I definitely am heavily involved in the day-to-day activities and nighttime routine. I do as much as I possibly can. As I said, she’s breastfeeding, so there are limitations there. But, yeah.

VIVO: What do you think the two or three most important things to do are as a parent of a small infant, a young infant?

Interviewee: I think that it is that responsibility to be there. The child’s crying. He doesn’t know what he’s crying for. You don’t know what he’s crying for. But you have to try to take care of him to your best ability, whether he’s hungry, dirty diaper, or simply just wants to be held.

At this point in time, it’s very hard to communicate what that crying is for, and sometimes it’s just moaning and groaning. Other times it’s screaming and it’s being able to identify what those different screams are about.

VIVO: Does your son have a pediatrician, yet?

Interviewee: Yes.

VIVO: Tell me about how you found and selected this pediatrician.

Interviewee: It was actually the same pediatrician that my siblings used. I grew up in a different state, so I didn’t use her. But, we actually started off with the pediatrician that my siblings use.

We’ve actually switched actual doctors within the office that we prefer just because of communication issues. I feel like the lady we originally went to, she’s been doing it for so long that every question was just so routine to her that it didn’t seem like, not that she didn’t care, it was just, “Oh, no, you’re doing fine.” Stop asking this.

It was more like we were annoying her to an extent, it felt like. It wasn’t, but it was just, she had a younger person in her office and we’ve been going to her for about a month now. And I like her much better. My wife’s happy with her. We didn’t change offices, we just changed doctors within the practice.

VIVO: What do you think your new pediatrician does well?

Interviewee: I think that she treats us as clients, not just another child that comes through the office. She seems more personable. She knows, “How’s Blake doing? It’s been two weeks, what has changed?” And she actually asked us the questions versus us having to bring to her our concerns.

VIVO: What’s something you wish your pediatrician would do or not do that they are or are not doing today?

Interviewee: Considering I don’t really have anything to compare it to, I think we’re very satisfied. As I said, we have switched in the two-month period between doctors just because we felt like that communication lacked between us. I think our current doctor is very good.

VIVO: If anything, what do you worry about in regards to your child’s health, whether that’s today or future?

Interviewee: Definitely take into account, especially with the vaccinations coming, what does he really need? What shouldn’t he get? What can be combined with other things?

You hear so many things about what could cause autism, what could cause this and that. Is this something we really need? By no means are we anti-vaxxers. I just want to understand what are the potential side effects immediately and long-term.

VIVO: Is that something, a conversation you have had with your pediatrician?

Interviewee: Yeah. I know there’s three or four different vaccines that he’s going to be getting over the next six months, and some of them get combined. Some of them are done by themselves, whether it’s a live virus or fake virus. It explained all that to us.

We did talk about COVID vaccination. Me and my wife are neither vaccinated, so we don’t have any intent to vaccinate him, as well. I just don’t see the point when there’s a new vaccination every three weeks.

From that standpoint, it’s not something we’re looking to do. But everything else, I think there’s smallpox, hepatitis, and a couple other ones we are definitely going to do it. It is just scheduling it out over the next six months to a year to make sure that they’re applied correctly.

And I’m going to rely on my doctor’s professional opinion to tell me when that correct date is. If she says, “Oh, we do this all the time, this one and this one together,” by all means, my son’s no different than everybody else. I just want the explanation of why certain ones are put together, and that’s where she explained of live virus versus I guess it’s just a strand of the virus, that those get separated out.

VIVO: What kind of daily decisions do you make that relate to your child’s health, whether that’s for you or for them?

Interviewee: Definitely sleeping and eating for my child’s health. Coming early, he was smaller than the average baby is when it’s born. We had to make sure we stayed on top of that.

And I also had to make sure that my wife is fully nourished because she is breastfeeding and it takes a significant toll on her body having to breastfeed every two hours, it feels like, throughout the day. We definitely are a lot more conscious of that, making sure that we’re eating healthier at home.

It’s no more going out to restaurants twice a week. Financially, that helps, but it also, me picking up some of the cooking responsibilities, that’s definitely not something I ever did in the past since I’ve been married. I’m very good at using the microwave and a grill, but beyond that, I did not have much experience prior to the past two months where now I’ll boil pasta, I’ll do whatever.

Typically, I have to be walked through it, but I’m managing and we’re eating.

VIVO: I know you said your wife is breastfeeding. Did you have to alter feeding or add certain things in to get your son up to weight?

Interviewee: Yeah, we did formula for the first two weeks in addition to her breastfeeding. The doctor said we could stop that being that she was producing enough milk. But those first two weeks we did, we were using, it’s called Gentlease. I forget the brand. It was a purple container, but that’s what we used for the first two weeks.

VIVO: So you were supplementing with some…?

Interviewee: Yeah, and we’re probably going to go back to that or some other kind of formula probably by the end of this month.

VIVO: You said you’ll probably go back to that because it seemed your son was fine.

Interviewee: Yeah.

VIVO: How did you select the Gentlease? I think it’s Enfamil, Gentlease, in the first place.

Interviewee: That was what the hospital told us. Yep. They originally gave us samples right then and there. He was accepting to it right away, and we just continued with that.

They told us that there was situations where you’d have to try a couple of different brands and not flavors, but different whatever it would be. But we stuck with that one right from the start and it met our requirements, his requirements, so it was good to go.

VIVO: Your decision to breastfeed, was that something that you knew you always wanted to do? Is it something that was recommended by your doctor?

Interviewee: That was my wife’s decision fully. That was something she always wanted to do. And now seeing how much of a toll, I think she said, she’s done it for two months, she’s going to do it for three months, and then we’re not going to stop cold turkey, but we’re going to try to start weaning off of it.